This year I am NOT waiting tables on V.D. It is pure Hell. I have agreed to host and bus tables though. If you have ever waited tables on V.D. you know the horror. You get people who 1) NEVER eat out accept on V.D. 2) or never been to a family-owned, fine dining restaurant, so they expect 20 different people to come by their table while they are eating. Dumb.

Last year’s experiences:

– One lady said I would have been better suited to work at Chucky Cheese.

– Another girl (who was with her boyfriend) left me a note on the receipt that said I could have been more attentive. They ordered a meal and water. No wine, no desserts (even though I asked repeatly). I guess she wanted me to come over and ask her how her ‘water’ was every 5 minutes.

– Another lady was upset that I didn’t ‘ask questions’. Whatever that means. Apparently people think a waiter is a psychitrist.

I think the franchise restaurants have spoiled people, they focus on attentivness and less on product. This shit bugs me. I want a beer and my food, and I want to enjoy the company I’m with when eating out. Stop asking me questions, I have been to a restaurant before, if I want something, I’ll ask. That’s why I like Sushi Masa, the food is ALWAYS great, but the server’s aren’t always ‘Attentive’ that’s fine with me – keep it up.

V.D. Advice to my single friends:

Always breakup with a girl before Christmas and get back together after V.D., you will save a TON of money.

 

Alt-rock act Modest Mouse will return to Sioux Falls for a March 18 concert at the Ramkota Exhibit Hall.

Aside from the expectations of new music, fans of the ’80s Brit rock band The Smiths may find some extra intrigue in this show. Former Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr officially joined Modest Mouse last fall as a full-time member.

He’s expected to be on this tour performing with the band.

The Smiths are one of my favorite bands, this will be well worth seeing. I’m not a huge fan of Modest Mouse, but went to their last show because Camper Van Beethoven was opening. I will be in the front row yelling out Smith’s songs until they throw me out.

Prince is SORTA in trouble for his silhouette performance during the SuperBowl.

For decades, the electric guitar, by nature, has been considered phallic. From Jimi Hendrix’s sensual 6-string swagger to Eddie Van Halen’s masturbatory soloing, the guitar has often been thought an extension of a male player’s sexuality.

Was Prince’s pose phallic?

“The short answer is, of course it is,” says Rolling Stone magazine contributing editor Gavin Edwards, who points out that on Prince’s “Purple Rain” tour in the mid ’80s, he performed with a guitar that would ejaculate, squirting water out of its end during the climax of “Let’s Go Crazy.”

“All that said, it didn’t seem like a sniggering little puppet show,” adds Edwards. “I think it was one of those things because a guitar at waist level does look like an enormous phallus.”

 

Ever been to a GWAR show? Water squirting out, you wish.

 

There will be a news story about me on KDLT. Not sure if it is at the 5 PM news or 10 PM.

It’s about my art and shit.

 

The usual suspects showed up, and my favorite collector, Mr. Schwartz and his wife bought 4 paintings.

 

Rick and Charles contemplate cottage cheese.

 

Now the terrorists have us spending $750K on dismantling Lite Brite’s

Give me a break! You would think after the Boston PD dismantled one of them, they would have figured out it was just a stupid marketing ploy. What next, send in a bomb squad to take down band flyers off of telephone polls?

A homeland security rep from the Boston area said “They should have known better in a post 9/11 world then to have done this.” He’s right, that is if he were talking about the PD department blowing it out of proportion.

FEAR, G.W. Has taught us well!